Picking up from where we left off last blog post (for those that have not read the previous post, please be sure to go back and read so that you may follow along)…let me tell you a little something about worry. Worry is another word for Anxiety. Anxiety is excessive concern in something that brings on an emotional state. It can also come in the form of reasoning or continuously defending, justifying actions. Reasoning can be always trying to figure out something, always wanting to fix personal situations of self or others. When we operate in these things it can bring on confusion. When we are confused, we can experience a loss of clarity which in turn makes us vulnerable and highly susceptible to manipulation and deception.
Something just really hit me and I am only posting because I’d like to humble myself and be transparent. Also I would personally like to be held accountable. We are not in this life by ourselves and now is one of those moments…I found it quite simple to go through hubby’s closet and purge of items he wasn’t wearing or were faded. He had given me that permission since he trusted me and knew I would do a good job with it. When I went into my closet, I almost found myself not wanting to let go of the clothing. I really had to ask myself why am I really hanging on to items that I am not wearing?
Then it hit me that I really had ego and fear of if I gained the weight back that I had lost or what if I lost so much that I am getting rid of items I could fit into the future. I am still on my weight loss journey. I have been going back and forth between the 140-139 mark. I am okay with this because I know my body is healing emotionally, physically, and spiritually. There may also be alot of repair work that my body is doing in the inside. There are foods I am still eliminating that are toxic to my body personally. Then I had revelation, I really cannot grow and mature in this area if I am not willing to part with these items and my past. I am not who I was then, these are just items.
If I expect to be entrusted with more, I must give and give freely. I am the one determining if I past the test of being entrusted with more weight loss, more clothing that fits, provision financially for this purpose, entrusted with sharing my journey with others, etc. This is a big door opening if I choose to see it that way. I have to determine if I am going to walk through that door or not, but I must if I expect to get to the other side. I also mustn’t complain or question the Lord. With His help, I know what items one by one that must go. I am on my last trash bag and once it is filled I will be released from this burden and unleashed into another level of freedom and trusting God in a care that was meant to be His in the first place. I am surrendering this into His hands because He is fully capable of that.
The scripture that comes to mind for me comes from the Bible Gateway version of Matthew 10:29-32, 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.[b] 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. 32 “Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. Complete confirmation to me of why I am doing this and as a token and blessing to blessing someone else who may not have. Thank you for allowing me to speak and be transparent. Also thank you for keeping this a safe place for me to post and share with you. I appreciate your care and support, I know I am not alone in this and neither are you! Let’s keep the support and encouragement coming! I believe in you!