I was at a crossroads, overcoming or full on implosion, letting everything I had worked for consume me. The clock was ticking and only I could make that choice. How could I have been so selfish to think I had really been helping others including my own family? I was a short circuited mess, a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. Something was really not right with this picture.
Right away I went into my prayer closet to ask God what needed to change in me to thrive and succeed the way I truly desired to. Certainly I would be required to walk in a higher measure of faith. Our society teaches us that we must work hard to have the life we want and that God only helps those that help themselves. Though we are called to serve through our work and our efforts, it is not by our own strength and efforts that we excel, but in the hands of our Lord, the very one who breathed and gave us life.
It came the time that I had to choose. Would I continue to exhaust myself long hours? I had fallen into the old habit of working morning through night with little to no end. I was driven by the dollar sign and the chance to make more money. I was not content with where I was. What started as intent to serve and help more people to success in my industry, turned into manipulation by a dollar sign.
My health began to deteriorate quickly. I was always exhausted and felt the pressure that what I did was never enough. I had to fix, control, and answer to everything and everyone. I had once again come into bondage and at the expense of my family being seconds. I had stopped spending as much time with them and rather than them coming before work, my work consumed me. Work was what I woke up with, all I thought about, all I discussed, and all I went to bed with at night.
Until this point I had been extremely consistent in making great income the last 9 months are so, more consistent than I had ever. I cannot believe I had been willing to risk this because somehow I thought harder and longer would be better. I was incredibly wronged and humiliated. In fact I am thankful for the ladies who shared with me from their hearts to unlock me so that my eyes may have become opened. I had begun to lost hope that anyone had truly cared about me because I was so stressed serving everyone else. I really was suffering torment with the undue pressure I placed on myself to out perform. Friends, let me tell you it was not worth it. I had begun to resent my entire life, alienating and isolating out of anger and frustration. I had become greedy to the dollar sign. This was something I had vowed not to do; never again wishing to escape into my workaholism like I once had.
I was supposed to be living a non-traditional lifestyle with my family. To me, non-traditional meant just that, deviating from traditional norms of what others were doing; working less, spending more time with family, traveling the world, doing things I enjoyed, serving others in reaching their goals, and being able to give more income than I had ever made before. I wanted guide and direct people into showing them how to be free, how to spend time with family, how to grow income, and how to gain time back.
With my stress levels it was no wonder that anyone would ever want to follow me. If I were them, I would not have wanted to follow me either. It was down to two choices: continue the disastrous path I was on OR make the decision that something in my life must change now or face some serious consequences. I didn’t know what those consequences would be, but I sure knew I was not willing to find out. CHANGE was the only option for me. God was speaking clearly to me through these two women one day and I had better have my listening ears on. He was not going to repeat himself a second time I can guarantee you that. What decision did I make? Stay tuned to find out….