Hey there friends! Today we are continuing the topic from last post of your finances and self image. Now one thing I will not suggest is living outside of your means. If you are someone that budgets, you are able to account for what you have. Just remember a couple of key points. First, don’t be so afraid of spending that you never do anything nice for yourself. You deserve to have a special treat every once in awhile. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money, but something that you value, that you personally enjoy. Stay inside your means, but do something you really want instead of sacrificing it because you don’t feel that you are worth the money being spent or that it could be used towards something else! It is okay and is a healthy way to view yourself, be a blessing to you once in awhile!
Hello there friends it’s good to be with you today! I just wanted to be transparent and share a little something with you that I think may just help someone to overcome today.
Recently, I had a little change and shift in one of the businesses my husband and I own. I had been making calls consistently. I had normal set business hours of operation. I even had a team of people that I was encouraging weekly and helping them to those next steps. Yet, I couldn’t figure out why the results had slowed down a bit. I knew I was following the process and I had even been plugging into the team training calls. I was completely stumped as to what this could have possibly been.
This past Monday was like no other Monday I had ever experienced. I woke up to what I thought was a new start for the week. The night before was a well rested evening and the morning time ran relatively smoothly. I thought to myself ‘I’ve got this, lets dominate Monday’. All I have to say, is how sadly mistaken I truly was. My husband had left for work early in the afternoon. Our toddler daughter and I were the only two remaining at home. My greatest hope for our daughter would have meant her playing with toys nicely while I focus making calls and getting work done in my in-home office. I wanted a solid jump start to my week knowing strategically that Mondays can often set the tone for my week’s work. Keep in mind, I give it my best to keep the proper sequence and order of our family dynamic. I am always submitting to the Lord first and foremost, wife second, mother third, and work fourth. The morning time had already been spent with my daughter reading her toddler bible and devotion with her coupled with some artistic play time just the two of us.
Up until this point, I thought our daughter’s needs both physical and emotional had been met satisfactorily. Until I started hearing ‘scrape, scrape, scrape’ through the wall. I put the phone down to check on our daughter. Come to find out, she had been taking her wooden ‘Melissa & Doug’ play food and was attempting to make design marks on our walls in a home that we rent! I did all I could to redirect the situation, refresh the juice in her sippy cup, gave her a bit of snack, and back to the office I went to continue my work. I make a few calls and then go on to hear her pulling her diaper off! Not even 30 seconds had lapsed and she already had her poopy diaper smeared on the carpet, on our sliding glass door curtains, and even in the crevices of the baby gate. The only thing going through my mind was how was I going to get all the tiny holes clean? Thank goodness for whoever invented the Qtip; I have found this a very effective and useful tool when cleaning small nooks and crannies of the home!
By the time I had fed our daughter lunch, I was over an hour behind on my calls. Not even moments had passed when I hear her go, ‘uh oh’. Now, I have to tell you, anyone that knows our daughter, knows that she ‘tattles’ on herself when she is in trouble. I was saying a small prayer at this point that it was not a second version of the poop mess she had created before. Sure enough, my worst suspicions were only confirmed, round 2 of dirty diaper had been smeared in a few more places in the carpet. The difference being, when I walked into the kitchen to grab the cleaning supplies, I noticed the drawer that we keep our rags in had been opened. After further investigation, I found a rag covered in poop that she had used in attempt to clean up the poop. Normally I might be a bit upset by this, but here I was pleasantly shocked that she knew to get in the drawer, grab the rag, and clean up the poop herself! The conclusion I drew from this was all the many times that she had watched me cleaning and instinctively knew that she should use the rag when cleaning a mess up!
Once the mess was cleaned up for a second time I returned to the office wondering if I would accomplish what I needed to in the office before the end of the work day. I won’t lie, at this point I am slightly agitated that I have not accomplished what I set out to do for the day. I begin making a few more calls when I smell a pungent odor coming into the office area from the living room. I knew it could only mean one thing, ‘poop’. I step out of my office to find a third mess of poop, but this time it is all over the walls! Apparently, our daughter decided to smear her poop on her musical keyboard, grabbed her dress up wand, only to dip it in the poop, and from there proceeded to make designs all over our cream walls! With this in mind, the walls are not painted with an egg shell or washable type of paint. Whoever had painted our home before moving in had used more of a primer type based paint. Though I was glad that I had remained calm when faced with the mess, the inside of me was in a bit of a panic and found this poop designs repulsive! My immediate thought was concentrated upon whether or not I was going to be able to get the poop off the walls or not! I had been successful in the other poop messes of the day, how was this one going to be any different in terms of resolution? To work I went, scrubbing away at our living room walls.
I am in agreement with the notion that kids will be kids, especially toddlers who are testing the boundaries of their parents to see just how far they can draw the line without being disciplined. Now I can look back and breathe a sigh of relief that I was able to clean all 3 messes up, but in the moment, after the third time, I felt that I had won the ‘worst mother of the year’ award for the day. I replayed the series of events that had happened throughout the day and wanted to understand what exactly had driven our daughter to create such a mess. I wondered if this same sequence would be repeated throughout the week and if I would be able to get my work done and still have that quality time with her. It was enough that toys were strewn throughout the house and clothes taken off hangers and displaced on the bedroom floor. I would take those behaviors over poop mess any day. I am aware that as our daughter, she will test my authority as mother. I found the poop mess, however, extremely distracting to the order ‘I’ had in mind. Always looking for a way to improve at my parenting skills, I consulted a few friends who gave me some excellent ideas about how to work with our daughter on potty training so that it was a more pleasurable experience that positively would reinforce her using her potty. I also had previously taken note of her interest in books and art and made a post on Facebook inquiring artistic activities other mothers had done in past experiences to encourage their children developmentally in these two areas.
After processing verbally with a trusted outside source, I discussed with my husband the importance of consequences and privileges and positive reinforcement of behaviors that we hoped our daughter would elicit in response to our requests of her. I asked for prayer and wisdom for us as parents and how to groom our daughter for success. It is evident she may have a true artistic gift and as parents it was important to us that we not squelch her little personality shining through, but to help her find a way to channel her talents and interests in a healthy, manageable way that we could both be actively involved as parents. A friend of ours had an extra easel that would be perfect for her art lessons and through suggestions of friends, we came up with some neat ideas of homemade playdough to homemade finger paints with ingredients from our very own kitchen cupboard. I now felt hopeful as a mother that just maybe I had not after all failed her like I had previously thought.
In the moment, it would have been really easy for me to have focused on what I had not done right. I could have chosen to focus on where I went wrong as a mother. The tape recorder played through my head, ‘what if I had been there would she have done this?’ I knew I had to stop this type of thinking. Just because our daughter had smeared poop throughout the house countless times that day, did not mean that I wasn’t a good mom. To be honest, it took a few friends, also mommies, speaking life into me and encouraging me to journey forward. I wasn’t doing everything wrong and I needed to allow myself more ‘grace’. When I say this, I mean that I needed to celebrate the small victories I as a mother, had made with our daughter. I am happy to share, I no longer choose work as an escape when things don’t go as planned with her. Our daughter recently began attending Kindermusik classes and I have been able to attend each class, all but one. I have truly enjoyed seeing her blossom and it gives me great joy to see the contentment and happiness she confides with having both of us in attendance. Recently, her and I started a morning bible and devotion time in which she now requests to me in her own toddler language for me to read to her each day. She insists that I read hers to her before doing my own adult devotion! I remember when she didn’t make it through more than 2 pages of us reading to her! I see her progress when it comes to structured play and she wants to practice what she learned in class at home. She is a sponge that is soaking her environment in and often looks to me as a playmate with her being an only child for now. I give it my best to give her at least 2-3 hours of my day just her and I so that she knows how much I value not just her physical needs, but her spiritual and emotional needs. I can only hope that I convey a special love and bond with her. I remember when all of this was almost not existent even 6 months ago aside for some emotional needs met and all physical needs met. Our time together was no longer just a routine, but are locked in quite the relationship together mother and daughter. I no longer take for granted what she has to teach me not to mention her kisses on my cheek make my heart melt.
I firmly believe that every mother wants to do right by their child. I believe that every child really looks up to their mother to guide them. Children certainly do not come with instruction booklets; each so different than the next, but that is what makes each child so individualistic and unique. Every mother at some point wonders if they made the right decisions in the best interest of their child, I know I certainly have! Though I am not completely where I would like to be with her, I am now more cognitively aware of how I have progressed over a short time and how much the relationship dynamic has developed. I now look forward to spending time with her. Even though each day is trial and error, I allow myself that grace to slip up and fall. I give myself permission to make mistakes and not have it perfect or right all the time. I know she has to sense the tremendous peace that comes in letting the control gages go! Quality time I am finding is what she truly wants from me and when I provide that, she is much more apt to listen and engage with me. She also more willing to follow directions when I honor her with my time and share in fun toddler friendly activities with her. A brief example of this: tonight I decided to read books with her while she sat on the potty and both times I did this, she went right in that potty and it made me so proud! Today was the first day she had accomplished going in the potty! You would have thought it was a major holiday event with the joy and light shining upon my face. Rather than redirecting her and telling her ‘no’, I could not stop praising her enough! All I wanted to do was encourage her and love on her! Her face lit up with glee and you could tell she too, was overcome with joy in a task well done. We celebrated with coloring in coloring books. Though, she is in need of redirection in keeping the crayon on the paper, she did a wonderful job listening. In fact, we went on to share in snack time before her bedtime routine and she did all that I asked of her. I even let the house go, something I really had struggled with in the past. I had been guilty often of cleaning my home before spending time with her; my priorities were very skewed. Tonight was different and I was amazed at how she paid attention to the details, something she wasn’t necessarily doing before! What an incredible victory, all because I allowed myself grace and the permission to relax and just be mama to our child; what a comforting feeling.
If you are struggling with priorities as a mama or feel that you need more grace with your child to allow you to be you and them to be them, I am here to encourage you and build up hope in you. I hope that my testimony and victory here will inspire you to be the best mother you can be; not a perfect mama, but a fulfilled and truly happy mama. Sometimes it is about your child and just spending that time with them. Your child is looking to build that connection and relationship with you. Your child even if they act out from time to time, still really loves you and whether they show it or not, they truly value you being around them. You, mama are the one that is looked up to, you are the role model, and a wonderful role model at that. Don’t be quick to focus on the negative, your shortcomings, and all the things you should have done differently that moment, day, or week. Celebrate each day and give thanks for the things you did right as a parent. The more you focus on your parental positives, the more it will reflect in your child and before you know it, you will have the best possible connection, one that is both honoring and respectful. Let go of your insecurities, remain steadfast and patient knowing that mamahood is trial and error. You are going to have moments where you have to take a step back even. Just know that there is another mama here uplifting you in thoughts and that sometimes taking steps backwards is really steps forwards. Being a mama is a physical and mental state and what perspective you choose to look at. You are not perfect, you are human and it is good that your child sees this. Our children need to know that we make mistakes, but that never takes away from or will ever change the unconditional love and bond we have for our child. Keep working at the progress you want to see happen and with a bit of work, the price you paid to tweak and learn from your parenthood experiences, will only sharpen your skills and bring out the best in both you and your child. You got this, stick out the course and don’t be afraid to reach out here if you have questions, need encouragement, or a word of prayer! I believe in you, you are one strong mama! You will never be given more than you can handle. The trials and tribulations, the laughs and the giggles you are experiencing are all a part of the journey together, mama and child! Many heartfelt blessings to you mama, the reader!
Some people are under the assumption that your value is determined by the amount of money you make. In actuality, your value and worth is determined by how much money you keep (i.e. banking, savings, investments). The goal is for you to be your greatest personal asset. How you use your money should be done so in a purposeful way. This is not to say don’t ever treat yourself, but you don’t want to throw hard earned cash away on a temporary fix that you don’t really want or need no matter how much in the moment you are really wanting that item. I want you to take a moment and reflect on what you want your bank account to look like. Are you wanting to learn how to have more money leftover after expenses are paid rather than living paycheck to paycheck? Is there a certain amount you would like to see weekly, monthly, or yearly? Do you have a personal goal that you want to achieve such as a particular vacation destination or a home you are wanting to build or purchase? Are you wanting to learn how to invest your proceeds and make them grow? What do you want your financial lifestyle to look like? I encourage you if you have not done so to begin writing these goals down. I am going to share a few tips and strategies that you can take action on and apply so that you become the one in control of your finances telling your own money where it needs to go:
The key to serving the Lord in excellence and prospering where you are planted, advancing for the kingdom of God is simple. There are 5 very important areas that must be kept in their proper order. Remember, our Lord is a lord of order and He doesn’t do anything out of order. So in serving him, we must remember His true order and abide in it. The order is this:
1) Keep God FIRST. In every step you take, remember to pray to the Lord asking him for guidance, wisdom, and direction. If you are single, submit yourself completely to the Lord. If you are married, discuss each step in the area you are needing direction and pray to the Lord together, each step of the way. Whether single, married, or with children, honor the Lord by learning his word, making time to listen, to pray, to read, and to apply His word. Be willing to be still and listen or to lend a hand to someone in a troubled time. If you listen He will guide your step in all other areas listed below and He will prosper you where you are at.
2) Second, comes your spouse if married. If single with children, they will come next. If single, then work will come next. Make time for your spouse, they need to be honored, special, and made to feel important. When they get home or you get home, greet them, love on them, and be willing to spend time re-connecting, talking, praying, and loving on one another. It is important to work on your relationship whether married or dating.
3) If you are married or single with children, make sure they are made to feel special, honored, and important. Schedule quality time with your children. Spend time doing what they want to do, not necessarily what you are wanting to get done around home or running errands. Make your activity fun! Do something you don’t normally do together. If it is a normal activity make sure it is something you can enjoy together. Also, make sure from time to time to spend one on one quality time with each child. Children really value that connection and one on one time you have with them. Do not put work first before them; especially after you promised you would spend time with them. Model to them how to keep your promise, they will value, respect, and appreciate you more because you honored them first.
4) Next, comes your work. When you are working, be diligent with the time you are given. When you can be trusted with the little things, you will be made ruler over much more, this includes responsibilities. You were meant to work and to prosper. If you are not giving it your all, then you will reap that. Make sure what you sow in the ground is worth reaping; this includes how you manage time, how you honor your boss, or others that you work with, managing teams of people etc. Do your work in a way that the Lord would be pleased with.
5) Enjoy extra-curricular activities. God designed you to enjoy life and gave you permission to have fun! We all need to rejuvenate every once in awhile or we become worn out in repetitive motion in our everyday lives and aren’t giving life it’s best shot. Things we enjoy doing keep us balanced and passionate about life. Without activities we enjoy, we would lose our zeal and passion. Having fun helps us to lead a higher quality of life and appreciate the goodness that God blesses us with!
If we follow this order and keep Him first, in these areas, we will be blessed beyond measure as mentioned in the book of Malachi and so many other chapters, verses, etc.
God bless you, I believe in you!